The Stingray Incident

Sometimes when you travel things happen that test your patience in unexpected ways. They really rattle your cool and are so maddeningly bizarre and out of your control you have to ask yourself “How did I end up here?” At the time it’s beyond aggravating, it’s out of the realm of anything you expected to experience. They don’t cover this kind of thing in school, you’re being educated and it’s horrible.

In the immediacy after such an event you harbour a curdling loathing for what has befallen you. But as time stretches on from such a thing you often find yourself looking back and laughing fondly at what ever it was that made you damn near genocidal with rage. This is one of those stories.

I’d gone to Sri Lanka to meet my then girlfriend and travel round for a week before we headed to Vietnam. She’d had her passport and bank-card stolen when she’d cleverly got off of a local bus for a cigarette and left her bags unattended. When I arrived we had to go to the British embassy to get her an emergency passport. Then once we had that we had to go to the Vietnamese one to get a new visa processed. Having gotten this all sorted and our holiday back on track she promptly broke up with me because, “It’s just different now.”

I was understandably pissed. So I took myself for a stroll down the beach rather than entertain the idea of chucking her off the hotel balcony too much. I was minding my own business when a local approached me, we started talking and he invited me to his village near by because I was in time to see the day’s catch being brought in. Excellent, I thought, this is the kind of thing I love travelling for and it would be a welcome distraction.

Once at the local fish market he quickly tried to sell me a one of the sting rays his brother had caught (one of which he was hacking to bits with a machete). I politely turned down the offer. He started to pressure me into buying one, I responded with, “What exactly do you expect me to do with a whole sting ray?” to which he retorted. “Take it back to the hotel and have your chef cook it.” Oh yes of course, how foolish of me. I’ll just strap this thing to my back, lug it back to the hotel, flop it on the reception desk and tell them “Sort that out will you.”

This guy was really insistent and was starting to grate on my last nerve. He wasn’t going to take no as an answer. I looked at the watch that wasn’t on my wrist and said I had to go back to the hotel. He started getting a bit hostile then, following me as a I walked back to the road. He was trying to convince me to come back at some point with more money as I’d said I didn’t have enough for the Ray anyway. That’s when the guilt tripping came in, “I’m just a poor fisherman,” he told me, “You must give me small something, I took you to see my village out of the goodness of my heart.” At this point I was just willing to pay to get him off my back, I slipped him a small note and, after not being able to extract more from me, he disappeared into the nearest liquor store. That, I thought, was that.

Later on in the evening I was chilling at the hotel pool with my newest ex before our flight the next morning. I’d had a chance to calm down and the situation with the fisherman had had the desired effect of distracting me, just not as I’d hoped. That’s when the hotel manager came and found me. “There is a man waiting for you by the gate, you must come please.” Surprised when I asked who it turned out to be the fisherman. He’d followed me and had been waiting for me there since I’d got back. “You did not give him money did you? This is a drinking man, he will not go away till you see him. This is bad for business to have him here.” “Why would you give him money? How naive are you” demanded the ex.

Instead of getting into it with her I went to the gates. The guy had gotten himself drunk and worked up, adamant that I’d promised to return to purchase the Stingray from him. I was liar, he questioned my moral character in slurring tones and insisted I went with him now. The hotel manager was telling me this was my fault for talking with him and I had to get him to leave. The ex was telling me how stupid I was for having spoken to him and for giving him drinking money.

And there it was in alignment; the trinity of awful. The local drunk, the disgruntled hotelier and my fickle ex all berating me. I couldn’t help but wonder how I got myself into this situation. I wanted to strap them all into the near by deck chairs, gagged, possibly water boarded. I was desperate to tell them at length exactly why each of them was being a dick head. Instead I just stood their hoping the earth split and plunge us all into a fiery chasm.

Of course I can laugh about it now. This was back in 2016, time and a sense of humour do wonders for taking a bad situation and casting a funny light on it. As for what I learned from the situation, well it’s this. DO NOT go off with the local fisherman directly after a breakup. Tell him where to stick his Stingray and walk away. DO NOT let the local drunk follow you back to your hotel. DO tell your hotel manager it’s his job to get rid of people annoying his paying guests and that he should probably snap to.

DO NOT abscond with a girl you’ve known for a couple of months and think you love, you’re just horny. When travelling DO keep your wallet and passport on you even if you are just popping out for a cigarette (you’d think that would be self explanatory). Most importantly instead of just standing there like a moron taking people’s flak you are entitled, every now and again, to tell them to fuck off. Fuck right off.

A Beginner’s Guide To Tokyo

Tokyo, Japan’s capital. The most populous metropolis in the world, rich in history, culture and culinary wonders. By day a city of consequence, with impressive high rises, palaces, cavernous shopping malls, well nurtured gardens and cherished temple. By night the vast cityscape shines with neon luminescence, the trains at rush hour quite literally packed, there are themed bars, clubs, restaurants and karaoke to sing your heart out to. Naturally it can be a bit confusing trying to decide just where to start and what to do when there is so much on offer. Here a few pointers for your first visit to Tokyo.

When flying into the city you’ll land at either of Tokyo’s two main airports, Haneda or Narita. Once you’ve cleared customs you’ll want to get a PASMO card which you can use for Tokyo’s train and bus services (much like an OYSTER). You can get them from the tourist information post or from a ticket machine and cost3000 with2500 pre-loaded. Haneda is the nearest and easiest to travel from, here you can simply get on the underground from the arrivals terminal. Narita takes a bit more time and attention. Located on the outskirts of Greater Tokyo you have to take the Skyliner, a train service that links you to the main stations such as Nippori and Ueno. Skyliner tickets have to be purchased separately, once you’re at one of the main stations in Tokyo you can start using the PASMO.

The underground itself is the best and most efficient way to get around, with services starting from 5AM and finishing at 12PM. The only thing to really avoid (if you like your personal space) is travelling during peak rush hour. There are guards whose job it is to pack people into the trains and make a sardine tin look spacious. Politeness is something passengers pride themselves on and will not play loud music or make phone calls during their journey. Don’t get worried if you don’t know any of the language. There are station guards everywhere to ask for information and announcements are often made and displayed in English as well as Japanese.

Once you’ve got a grasp on how to get around there are plenty of places to visit. Shibuya is home to the iconic crossing you may have seen used in films like Lost In Translation. At night it shines bright with neon signs over ahead and loud advertisements on huge screens adorning the towering buildings around you. As an economic centre Shibuya is one of the more bustling places in an already busy city. There are pubs, clubs and restaurants galore to choose from here, bring an appetite. With designer and low key shopping spots this is somewhere you can treat yourself and find some souvenirs. It’s also home to a number of love hotels where you and a partner can have some privacy for an hour or two or even the whole evening.

Shinjuku is a lot like Shibuya, a booming economic centre, boasting one of the busiest train stations in the world, loud and colourful, with places to eat, shop and drop. It also has one of my personal favourite spots; Golden Gai. This is one of the quirkier parts of the city and stands out because it doesn’t. In this small segment of Shinjuku there aren’t any bright neon lights or high rises, instead you’ll find two story, unassuming, shanty style bars with more character than seat space. This is one of the few spots in Tokyo that hasn’t been redeveloped. These bars can cram from five to thirty people inside where you can make quick friends. The mix of punters ranges from Japanese business men to travellers and professional gaijins. None of which matters when you’ve all sunk some Sake and someone starts playing Wonderwall. Some are just for locals but if you politely venture inside and find yourself turned away there are plenty more to explore. Some have themes, some do karaoke and food. All are worth exploring.

Harajuku is great if you want some animé style cosplay gear. Here there are a teaming series of ally ways to get some alternative shopping done. There is some seriously weird and wonderful fashion on display here not just in the shop fronts but on the shoppers as well. It’s a hotspot to let your quirky sense of style shine out. There are number of animal cafés where you can eat and have drinks in the company of owls, dogs and cats. Then just the other side of Harajuku’s main station is the Meiji Shrine. The buildings themselves are located within a 170 acre forest, a bit of a contrast when stepping out of a metropolis like Tokyo. The shrine is dedicated to Emperor Meiji who reigned from 1867 to 1912 during a period of rapid industrialisation for Japan.

Asakusa is the place to go hunting for souvenirs, especially down Nakamise Shopping Street. This open air market has everything, food, sake sets, lanterns, chopsticks, Godzilla figurines, kimonos, artisanal knives. The list goes on. At the top of the street is Sensō-ji, Tokyo’s oldest temple and one of the most visited in Japan, the pagoda is particularly grand when lit up at night. Around the corner from here is the workshop of David Bull. David is a Ukiyo-e craftsman, a 400 year old wood carving and printing tradition. Having had individual success, despite no formal training, David has now teamed up with American illustrator Jed Henry. Together they take modern animé and video game characters and put a Ukiyo-e twist on them, a highly interesting fusion. I couldn’t resist and bought a couple of prints myself. If you want to know more about David and Jed’s work watch the documentary Ukiyo-e Heroes.

If you’re a fan of animé and manga you’ll want to go to Akihabara. By night this is one of the brightest districts of Tokyo (and that’s saying something). This is an area that has been shaped by Otaku culture and is decorated all over with iconic characters from animé and manga universes. Along with the decorations and building designs you’ll see cosplayers walking the streets giving you the feeling that you really have stepped into a different world. Akihabara also has a large number of maid cafés where the waitresses dress in over the top costumes, sing and dance while they serve your food and drinks. You might not have a clue what’s going on but they’re worth going into just for the experience.

Ueno is where to head to if you’re looking for a walk in a park and to soak up some history and culture. Home to Ueno Park you can take a stroll here past Buddhist temples, ponds and fountains. The park is especially popular in April when the cherry blossoms come into bloom. There are many museums in the area such as The Museum of Nature and Science and The Metropolitan Art Museum. For me The National Museum stood out with it’s collection of significant historical art pieces, archaeological finds, Buddhist manuscripts and examples of armour and clothing throughout different periods in Japanese history.

Near to Iidabashi station is Koishikawa Korakuen, one of Japan’s best loved gardens. Started in 1629 they are amongst Japan’s oldest. Containing, in miniature, examples of both Japanese and Chinese landscapes it is one of only three remaining Daimyō gardens in Japan. This is a place where you can find some peace and tranquility within Tokyo, away from teaming streets and busy roads. Like Ueno Park the gardens are especially popular in April when the Sakura come into bloom. If you happen to be in the gardens while a game is being played at the near by Tokyo Dome you may even think the ancestors are cheering you on your discoveries. Part of Tokyo Dome City, a huge entertainment complex, the dome itself hosts baseball games, concerts from home grown and international artists, martial arts contests and even monster truck events. Within the rest of the complex is a shopping mall, amusement park and Onsen spa. Iidabashi itself has plenty of restaurants to choose from. With the park to roam, rides to make you scream and plenty to eat, you could easily spend a day here.

The Imperial Palace, also known as the Imperial Residence, is located a short walk from Tokyo Station. The official residence of The Emperor and surrounded by a huge moat the nearly half a mile area boasts some of the most valuable real-estate in the world. The East Gardens around Old Edo Castle itself are freely accessible before 5PM. For a tour of the Palace and surrounding buildings you can book online with the Imperial Household Agency. Alternatively you can show up at the Kikyomon Gate before tours start at 10AM or 1.30PM (except Mondays and Sundays), though you are not guaranteed a spot on a tour. Tours usually last an hour but routes can change due to Residence and Court activities.

Apart from all of these places there are some other experiences on offer in Tokyo that really should be taken in. Taiko is the Japanese tradition of playing a drum or drums usually in a group. There is something truly affecting, powerful and unique in these performances and something that connects you directly with the heart of Japan. Though groups like Kodo come and go through Tokyo with a bit of online detective work you should be able to track down a show or even a workshop where you get to try your hand.

Karaoke is a new experience here, this isn’t someone killing you softly down the pub. There are whole tower blocks dedicated to it. This really must be done as a group activity. You get your own room, with a phone to call for drinks and snacks, a tablet computer with an array of songs to choose from and some very low budget video accompaniments that are oddly charming. You might get your own instruments to bang along with and sometimes there’s fancy dress. This really is something fun to try out.

Like any major city Tokyo can put a squeeze on a tight budget but don’t let that stop you from getting around, the underground is very affordable. If you are on a budget avoid taxis, the rides are always pleasant, it’s just the bill at the end might that cause you some discomfort. On first arrival this sprawling metropolis might be a bit intimidating, especially if you don’t know the language. Everything starts making sense pretty quickly though and you’ll soon find yourself enthralled by the bright energy here. Tokyo is one of those places that you could visit time and again and still find something new and wonderful. If you’re finding it hard knowing where to begin these are great places to start your adventure.

Go!

There shines the horizon
A golden arch where
The done day goes
Before it a treacherous sea
Her hostile convulsions have ruined
Many a poor mariner
The skies above, black,
Pour woe, wailing bitter curses
Split asunder by blue fire
Summoning the drums of oblivion
Still the question demands
“What lies beyond?”
Should I traverse the waking gulfs
What would I find?
Some far green country
Of plenty and wonder
Or deceitful rocks
That sit unseen until too late
Is this some flight of fancy?
Do I risk devastation
By rising for something
I do not know I can reach?
Behind me are safe shores
I know which way the wind blows
And where there is shelter to be sought
But I know
And that gilded arch
Where the sun goes to be renewed
Taunts me to go seeking
I have already come to port
My vessel awaits, proved upon
The waves she may be
There is nothing which is made
That cannot be undone
Even this eternal ocean
Will someday succumb
I come to it then
I may land at the coast of Elysium
I may come to ruin on a cruel fate
The way ahead is turbulent
That is certain
With that assured cast off
Hoist the sail to catch the wind
Stand true to the mast
Hold fast to hope
And answer that calling from fathoms
Unbeknownst to oceans
Go!

Climb

When I was little there was a tree in my back garden. It was huge! Tall and lanky, it towered over the neighbourhood, when a wind kicked up it would sway and swing like a drunk leaving the pub. I used to love climbing it, it was my favourite thing, you couldn’t get me down from there. At first I used to hang around in the lower branches, safe in the knowledge that if i fell the ground wasn’t too far below. After a while, though, the lower branches lost their appeal, suddenly they didn’t feel so high after all. I started to venture further up and found, after the initial discomfort, the view was better from up here. After that I was hooked, everyday I’d venture a bit further than I dared.
One day the wind got real ferocious, I was about halfway up now and clung to the trunk fearing I might be blown away. I wasn’t, I weathered the storm and I found my resolve strengthened. The worst had happened but there I still clung.
Suddenly the swaying tree didn’t seem so ominous, now I’d met with it properly. I redoubled my efforts and soon enough I knew every branch on my ascent like an old friend and I would swing in the breeze at the top most with what felt like the whole world before me.

Opening To The Boys From Qizhongtao

The last of the winter mists cling to the valley. White clouds dance all around. Dead branches tease promises of resurrection soon to come. Snow lies here and there, relenting to the growing warm of spring. The earth breaths again, damp and spiced, inhaling decay, exhaling renewal. Dewed trees weep a thousand-thousand joyous tears. Their drops become rivulets, trickling down the hill face. A breeze through ever green leaves stirs them to a slow sigh of welcome. The cranes flutter in their nests, a falcon soars, calling to the sky. Goats walk stony paths, sure hoofed and hungry. Above the pearl mountain watches, long pregnant with Winter she now births their child into the world. The cerulean dragon winds and scythes, falls and roars through the valley below. The mother glows with silent pride. This is the symphony of spring in the village of Qizhongtao.

The huts sat sodden, their chimneys peppering the air with wood smoke. Amongst their dripping fascias the children came running. Feet slapping in the muddy paths, their laughter boisterous like the rivulets down the valley side. They ran cheering and yelling, calling to their friends to come out and play. Two cows huddled under an out cropped roof were disturbed as they rushed by. Snorting their displeasure they shook their heads, jangling the bells around their necks before returning to their usual placidity.

Up into the woods the children went, finally the long winter nights were done. Amongst the mossy crags and trees they hurried, hiding and swinging, rolling and howling. Their shoving and pushing well natured, each one testing their strength against friend, cousin, sister, brother. They were all family below the mountain. Ever watchful, Tian Zhenzhu had seen their grandparents and parents come into the world. So to would she watch the children have their own and witness their passing also.